A Hard Night's Viewing

A few weeks back, Rotten Tomatoes ran a feature about the 50 Best-Reviewed Movies of All Time. I was puzzled at the #1 film on the list, The Beatles film A Hard Day's Night. I couldn't quite imagine how a movie I don't recall ever seeing on a top movie list anywhere managed to be the best-reviewed movie ever on Rotten Tomatoes. But I decided to see the film for myself to find out if there was some ineffable charm there.

I feel like I've been Punked.

Have you ever watched an episode of Saturday Night Live where the host of the week isn't an actor, but comes from some other field -- maybe s/he is a politician, or a musician? There's just a certain approach to the writing style in those episodes those weeks that screams "we're pitching you softballs, because we know acting isn't your thing." And of course, add to that the fact that Saturday Night Live has sucked more years than it's been good.

That's A Hard Day's Night. Only instead of unfunny and awkward sketches that last four minutes each, it's one unfunny and awkward sketch that lasts an hour and a half, occasionally punctuated by completely unrelated musical performances.

It's an odd thing to watch, because I don't always get the impression that John, Paul, George, and Ringo needed to have softballs pitched at them. I mean no, they're not actors -- but the only times they really come off unnatural are the times they're trying to sell ludicrously wooden dialogue. (That's most of the time.) I feel like maybe you could have put them in an actual movie of some kind.

Instead, they play "themselves," moving plotlessly through a "life as a Beatle" series of events that has them getting into unrealistic, manufactured hijinks and being chased by screaming fans -- in between stilted and overt jokes of the sort you'd expect to hear from the animal-furniture on an episode of The Flintstones.

This steaming pile is directed by Richard Lester, the man who -- according to Richard Donner -- ruined Superman II. (He definitely made it campy.) Probably should have seen the results coming.

But honestly, the only good thing about the movie is the music. And even then, more than half the songs are "deep cuts" that are far from the first songs you'd think of when you think of The Beatles. And none of them are connected to what little plot there is. And all of them are edited badly, with pictures not always syncing to sound. You'd be better off just listening to the "soundtrack album" -- that is, the album "A Hard Day's Night" itself. The film? I'd rate it a D-.

Is every critic basking in the glow of Beatlemania?