It's Not About Chicken, But Here's Why Chicken Feels Important

For the past week or two, my Facebook feed has been lit up with people arguing about Chick-fil-A. Things have been escalating as though a chicken Arab Spring hung in the balance. There was COO Dan Cathy's statement that the company is "guilty as charged" in its opposition to same-sex marriage. There were the statements by the mayors of Boston and Chicago, declaring the company is not welcome in their cities. There was the withdraw of cross-promotion by the Muppets. The announcement of "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day" by Mike Huckabee, endorsed by Rick Santorum.

And many heated words. Many very heated words. I myself have gone into a few friends' feeds and joined debate, posting some comments that, in retrospect, seem irrational and polarizing. So I want to try to approach this with as level a head as I can manage and explain where I'm coming from.

Let me start by saying that I believe people should have the freedom to practice their own religion (or not!) in the privacy of their own homes and churches. I'm an even more staunch supporter of free speech, and I do not believe that a person forfeits their right to free speech just because their speech may be (correctly or incorrectly) construed to represent the organization for which they work.

Bu what's going on here -- from my perspective, and the perspective of many gay, lesbian, and transgender individuals -- isn't about speech or religion. It's about money and civil rights. Dan Cathy puts his money where his mouth is. Chick-fil-A's charitable organization has made donations totaling millions of dollars to anti-gay groups including the Marriage & Family Legacy Fund, the National Christian Foundation, and Focus On The Family. These organizations oppose equal rights for LGBT Americans; they fight not only to block marriage equality, but oppose basic anti-discrimination laws that would protect these people in their jobs, in their health care, in all aspects of their lives. They support "ex-gay therapy," a practice that numerous reputable studies have shown to promote depression and even lead to an increased suicide rate.

These are organizations that have been officially labeled as "hate groups" in numerous quarters -- placed in the same category as such universally derided nutjobs as the Westboro Baptist Church and the Ku Klux Klan. No, they are not out there advocating that LGBT people be lynched, but when you hear about pastors giving impassioned sermons to their congregations suggesting in earnest that I and others like me should be rounded into camps and left to die, you have to question if they would argue in favor of such things if they thought they could get away with it.

But, as my title implied, none of this is really about the chicken. Or even the hate groups. In my mind, here's what it's about.

I am fortunate that all the friends and family in my life have given me complete support since I came out. They have given it explicitly; they also show it in their day-to-day interactions with me by not treating me as any different than anyone else they know. And this is what matters most.

However... I do have friends and family who, despite their professed support, do not have a history of showing that support in the voting booth. They have voted for candidates with outspoken hatred of the LGBT community, and are not likely to support pro-LGBT candidates this coming November. And frankly, this is what matters second most.

So long as politicians like Frank McNulty are sent to office at both the state and national level, I will not be allowed to marry, and will not be granted access to the 1,138 federal rights associated with that status. I will not be free to move to over half the states in the U.S., should I choose to, without risking that I could be fired from any job I find there simply for being openly gay.

It's hard to accept that some of my friends and family choose to prioritize other political considerations over my basic rights, though I try my best to respect that as their right. And so long as these friends and family don't go expressing pride in their decision to vote for people who have opposed and will continue to oppose my civil rights, I can mostly overlook the issue.

But then comes something like Chick-fil-A. They're openly and without apology funneling money to organizations classified as hate groups. And they're doing it under the shameful pretense that degrading my status as a human being is a charitable contribution!

And all you have to do to show me a little bit of support is not buy a chicken sandwich at just one of the numerous national fast food chains you can get a chicken sandwich. Is boycotting Chick-fil-A going to turn the tide of equality in the U.S.? Almost certainly not. But if you can't even make a sacrifice that small, a gesture that slight... if you can't even stop yourself from crowing how you're going to eat even more Chick-fil-A now?

If you can't even do that, then it frankly becomes hard to believe that the warm acceptance I mentioned -- the most important thing -- is genuine.

Now, if you want to show your support in other ways, that's fantastic. I will thank you personally, and apologize profusely for even subtly implying you're the bigot I know you're not. You could make a donation to an organization like the Human Rights Campaign. You could write to your congressional representative and urge them -- regardless of party affiliation -- to support legislation like the Respect for Marriage Act (designed to repeal DOMA), or ENDA (designed to prohibit hiring and employment discrimination against LGBTs).

As I said, it's not really about the chicken. I'll be the first to completely agree that there are plenty of ways to show support far better than boycotting a fast food joint. Speaking for myself, the chicken thing is simply a "last line of defense." If you can do nothing else to show your support for me, will you at least do that? Please?

Believe me, I want to live in a world where a choice of dinner doesn't feel so preposterously political. But sadly, it seems to me that we don't live in that world. Yet.

Please help me change that. And then just maybe someday, after I get back from my honeymoon, I'll take you to lunch at Chick-fil-A.