You still didn't have to pay anything; it was part of the all-inclusive package. But service-wise, you got what you paid for at these restaurants. We went to the Italian restaurant that night, where it took at least 15 minutes before they came for our orders and another 30 to bring the food. When the food finally did arrive, only half of us got anything, while the rest had to wait another 15 minutes. It was a rough dinner. (And yet, apparently not rough enough for us to choose not to go back later in the trip.)
My six-year-old niece was fortunately in a good mood that night, so she was able to bear the wait. In fact, she was passing the time by telling us jokes. She had a seemingly endless supply, many remembered from her last trip to Disney World. She kept pushing me and my boyfriend for more jokes, but I quickly exhausted every lame gag I could remember from a popsicle stick and simply had nothing child-appropriate left to tell.
Except for one joke. I warned my niece: "This is a really long joke, and you probably won't even think it's very funny." But she wanted to hear it anyway, and I figured that, not knowing how long it would take the food to come, I might as well fill the time. So I told The Purple Gorilla Joke:
A man is dying of thirst in the desert, crawling along from dune to dune, hoping that he'll come across some water to quench his thirst. On the horizon, he sees what appears to be an enormous castle. He gathers his remaining energy, reaches the castle, and knocks weakly on the door.I heard this joke in college, from another theater student. Of course, it's all about how you tell it... and it honestly isn't all that funny even when told well. But like I said, I had no other jokes, and loads of time to kill. So I dragged it out as long as I could, and my niece absolutely loved it. Dinner arrived, but she was more interested in hearing the Purple Gorilla Joke again than eating.
A guy in a purple suit answers the door, but the man is barely able to speak for his thirst. "Oh my!" says the purple man. "Here, have some water! You look horrible!" He produces a pitcher of water, and the man is able to drink his fill.
The purple man continues. "You must stay here in my castle and rest up until you're well enough to travel again. You may stay as long as you like -- I only ask that you obey one rule during your stay.
"If you were to go down to the end of this hall, you would find a purple door. On the other side of that purple door is a purple hallway. At the end of the purple hallway is a purple room, and on the far end of the purple room, under a purple sheet, is a purple cage holding a purple gorilla. DON'T touch my purple gorilla."
The man is doubtful that anyone could actually own a purple gorilla, but this seems an easy enough request to agree to in exchange for shelter at the castle. So he makes his promise, and then spends days at the castle, drinking all the water he needs and gradually regaining his strength.
But as the man is starting to feel normal again, his curiosity begins to kick in. This eccentric castle owner can't actually have an actual purple gorilla in a cage, can he? So despite his promise, he decides to investigate.
He goes to the end of the long hallway, and finds that indeed there is a purple door. It isn't locked, and when the man opens it, he finds that indeed on the other side, there is a purple hall. So he walks down the purple hall and comes to a purple room. There on the far end of the purple room, he sees a big object concealed under a large purple sheet!
Having come this far, the man can't leave without satisfying his curiosity. So he nervously makes his way across the purple room, then pulls away the purple sheet. Underneath, to his disbelief, he finds a purple cage, and there inside is a purple gorilla! The man with the castle actually owns a purple gorilla!
Of course, the man had never dreamed that he would actually find the purple gorilla. But now that he's there, he has to know -- why am I not allowed to touch the purple gorilla? What would happen if I did? So he nervously reaches his hand between the bars and touches the purple gorilla.
The purple gorilla immediately lets out a mighty roar of anger and starts beating its chest. The man backs away, but the purple gorilla grabs hold of the bars of the purple cage and begins to bend them. The man turns and starts to run as the purple gorilla breaks out of his purple cage!
The man runs across the purple room, back up the purple hall, and out the purple door. The purple gorilla is chasing him every step of the way. The man flees the castle, running out into the desert, and the purple gorilla is right behind. The man runs back across the desert, slowly losing energy again, eventually dropping to his knees and crawling, struggling to escape, but the purple gorilla is relentless! The purple gorilla catches up with him, raises a purple paw...
...and says "Tag! You're it!"
As we waited for dessert to arrive, I obliged and told the joke again. And then, the next night, again. I don't recall if I actually told it a fourth time later in the trip, but she certainly kept asking for it.
Of course, the joke probably doesn't read well either. My boyfriend questioned why I bothered blogging about it. But this was, in a strange way, a highlight of the trip, so it seemed like it deserved a mention.
When I went to Google a picture of a purple gorilla to illustrate this post, I discovered that "Purple Gorilla" is actually the name of a kind of marijuana. This reveals a likely subtext to the joke that probably explains why it was told to me in college. Suffice it to say, my niece won't find out about that part until she's older.
And in the meantime, I'm going to try to stock up on lame popsicle stick humor for the next time she wants a joke.
1 comment:
You're a wonderful (and patient) uncle!
FKL
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