Tonight was the Golden Globes. As always, a small group of my snarkiest friends got together to watch the ceremony. Some of our better observations (a few even sincere) are below:
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler lead off with a great opening monologue, as always. And as always, they can count on Steve Carell to give a good reaction shot and George Clooney to gracefully be the butt of a great joke.
Robert Duvall was napping before his award came up.
Jeremy Renner seems to be struggling to keep his eyes on his lines and off of Jennifer Lopez's crazy-revealing dress. And then he finally lets the "Globes" joke fly.
Here I pause to applaud the Golden Globes favoring the wonderful series Fargo over the pretentious, overrated True Detective.
Is Benedict Cumberbatch quietly changing back and forth between black and white jackets while we aren't looking?
After the win by Gina Rodriguez, somewhere at the CW, some press agent is going, "Wh-wh-what do I do now? We've never won one of these. We've never won one of anything!"
Kerry Washington seems to have stolen her dress from the wardrobe of The Adventures of Pluto Nash.
Is Prince trying to look like he's blind with the sunglasses and white cane?
The show director needed four tries to find a camera angle of Ryan Murphy after Matt Bomer mentioned him.
Amy Adams' toga/grandmother's drapes dress looks like it has removed one of her breasts.
Selma Hayek's dress is quilted for softness.
I haven't seen all the films in the Animated Feature category, but I have seen the lamely typical sequel that is How to Train Your Dragon 2 (review to come), and from what I've heard of the other movies, the Globes chose as the winner the worst movie of the lot.
Jared of Nazareth. (Leto, that is.)
It started out like Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader were auditioning to replace Amy and Tina as hosts for next year's Globes... but somewhere along the way, they decided to entertain themselves more the audience.
Jane Fonda is unaware of the significant difference between House of Cards and House of Lies.
I sure hope Colin Farrell is shooting a Western right now. Or are goofy mustaches required in True Detective?
Adrian Brody came dressed as Keanu Reeves.
Every time someone says "Olive Kitteridge," it sounds like (broad sweep of hands) "All of
Kitteridge."
The TV series drama category seems bungled too. From everything I've seen and/or heard about, the worst choice in the category won.
It looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones is wearing a dress with a broken strap.
David Duchovny looks and sounds like he's been living a hard life.
When Netflix, the CW, and Amazon are winning all the awards, television has officially changed.
The placement of the NBC logo has been giving sleeveless women tattoos all night long.
Matthew McConaughey is all "why are you showing me?" when George Clooney is talking about being a loser.
One of these days, Owen Wilson just needs to whip it out and say, "See, it doesn't look anything like my nose!"
Ruth Wilson's tailor doesn't seem to understand that you turn clothing right-side-out after you stitch in the seams.
Everybody is sweating a lot. We think the air conditioning in the room is broken.
Wes Anderson looks barely old enough to drive, let alone to have directed movies for as long as he has.
Matthew McConaughey sounds like he's doing a Southern civil war general voice. Or maybe a bad impression of himself.
Thank you, good night!
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