Some snarky friends gathered together at my place to serve up their thoughts on tonight's Golden Globe award ceremony. Here are some:
Just moments in, and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler set a high mark unlikely to be beaten with their joke about George Clooney and Gravity.
Sandra Bullock is wearing both cotton candy and neopolitan ice cream.
There are so many orange spray tans going on here that I'm wondering if I need to adjust my television set.
Another endearing speech from Jennifer Lawrence, but her dress is looking "bed sheet wrapped in electrical tape."
Jessica Lange doesn't mind losing her award to Elizabeth Moss; she's being served another drink when the camera cuts back to her.
I don't know who that is on stage with Aaron Eckhart, but she's very tall and being attacked by a ghost.
Armored dresses are a fun trend this year.
I should have realized the best song in any Disney film for three decades had no chance of winning Best Original Song, because Bono wrote something else, and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association are star whores.
On a similar note, the HFPA wants to meet Jon Voight before he dies.
What's with all the people without speeches ready to give?
Olivia Wilde might be a lizard.
Amy Adams says "you can't play me off," and the music almost immediately gets louder. Challenge accepted!
Robin Wright is sharing some sideboob with us. But then gives the speech we've been asking for all night: I'm not going to do this, thanks everyone, bye.
Colin Farrell seems to think Jared Leto is dreamy.
Emma Thompson is a wonderful actress, of course. But I'm pretty sure she's not acting tonight during her wild, drunken presentation.
Spike Jones, you're a writer, man! Why did you not write a speech?! (Well, he just said it took him three years to write his script, so there you go...)
Bruce Dern looks like he could play the Caretaker if they remake Phantasm.
I enjoy Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Way more than I ever thought I would, actually. But Andy Samberg isn't even the best thing about that show. How is he winning an award in his category?
Orlando Bloom is wearing his prom tux.
The show must be running long, because all the banter appears to have been cut.
Even the co-host doesn't have a speech ready? Et tu, Amy Poehler?
Emma Stone has sperm swimming up her dress.
I think if you don't show up to accept your own special achievement award, you forfeit.
Ben Affleck is definitely drunk and slurring his words.
Again... I was surprised how much I like Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But I'm way more surprised that it's been judged award worthy. (Especially over that competition.)
Props to Leonardo DiCaprio for acknowledging the lack of comedy in the Comedy category. He seems to know that in doing so, he'll never win an award from the HFPA again, because his speech seems a bit "farewell" in tone.
Reese Witherspoon has a nice dress, but it looks like a swimsuit in her closeup.
American Hustle is a "comedy?" It's not even light in tone. Apparently, the standards here are: if you don't feel like killing yourself when it's over, it's a comedy.
The music started up, and Cate Blanchett's speech charged right off the rails.
Matthew McConaughey got applause in my house for accepting his award with "alright, alright, alright." (Do you think his wife really calls him "McConaughey?")
Johnny Depp seems to be slowly transforming into a Johnny Depp character in real life.
Maybe Sarah Paulson should be giving the speech for 12 Years a Slave; she seems to know all the people to thank.
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