Monday, March 05, 2018

And the Oscars Snark Goes To...

Hey all! I've just returned from a week's vacation in Steamboat Springs... just in time for my annual Oscars watching party with my snarky friends! Here's a sampling of the better comments:

This year's Oscars is set inside a geode.

Helen Mirren, having a good time as always.

Viola Davis is presenting from inside the Great Gatsby's manor.

So many actors seem to react to the clip of their performance with a "really, that's the clip you chose to show?" reaction.

Gal Gadot and Armie Hammer emerge from the Beauty and the Beast dance hall.

The geode changes color. Now we're inside Blood Geode.

This year, the categories on the envelopes are printed REALLY BIG.

Did they instruct people to hold open their envelopes to camera while giving their speeches as if to say, "no really, see, I won!"?

Every year, they try to explain to us the difference between Sound Design and Sound Mixing, and every year, they award the same movie in both categories anyway.

One of the winning Production Designers apparently lost a bet -- rolled up tux sleeves, sunglasses, no shave, and sneakers. Boo.

Casa Bonita!

Rita Moreno's dress is such a deep black, it looks like her chest is being censored by the network.

When you're worried your set isn't sparkly enough, bring out the Sparkle Curtain!

Wait. Academy Award Winner Kobe Bryant?

The singer of the song from Call Me By Your Name is dressed like a kung fu ice cream man.

Our Oscar viewing party came to a screeching halt when we had to call that telephone number in the fake Overlook Hotel commercial.

Tom Holland came from his production of A Christmas Carol. Where he's playing Tiny Tim.

That triangle/Oscar statue icon they pop up when the award winners speak looks like a warning sign.

Matthew McConaughey has Trump skin going on.

Who had Guillermo del Toro carrying a 6-foot sub on their Oscar Bingo Card?

Maya Rudolph brings the funny as always, but kinda looks like she's wearing a red Snuggie.

Salma Hayek's dress is so sparkly, it's translating everything being said into Morse code.

Nicole Kidman is wearing a blue suspension bridge.

Jordan Peele actually won for the Get Out screenplay! So freaking happy!

"THEY'RE USING MATRIX BABIES TO POWER THE OSCARS BROADCAST!" (Okay, you maybe had to be there for that one.)

Kinda mean to cut to Mary J. Blige right after the performance of the song from The Greatest Showman brings the house to its feet. She has this whole "everyone else is standing, but this is my competition!" dilemma.

After apparent disinterest in winning the jet ski in the opening half of the show, there seems to be a lot of jet ski interest in the back half.

When you start talking about your dead mother, the music playing you off will cease immediately.

Who had "Orgasmatron" on their Oscar Bingo Card?

You may be cool, but you'll never be "Oscar winner riding on a jet ski with Helen Mirren" cool.

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