Oh, Oh, Oh, It's Magic

Day three of our Orlando vacation took us to Walt Disney World. Well... eventually. First, we decided to take a short break from running around non-stop. We had a leisurely morning and lunch, and were rewarded by a mid-afternoon rain storm that seemed to chase at least half the people away from the Magic Kingdom. That was all the better for us, who didn't mind getting a little wet. We waited until the downpour tapered off to a drizzle (later, it would stop altogether), and headed off to the Magic Kingdom.

Disney doesn't have "test seats" in front of any of its rides as Universal does, making it a little bit harder to tell in some cases which rides might actually be worth doing to a childless thrill seeker at Disney World. Plus of course, there's the fact that the entire place is more kid-oriented than Universal. Still, we took in our share of attractions:

Jungle Cruise. We started off with this ride in Adventureland. I honestly couldn't tell you why we decided to ride it, as we knew going in that it wasn't going to be a thrill. We even overheard a park employee explaining to a family that the ride involved sailing around a calm river looking at "animals" while the boat driver made jokes. (He actually made the finger quotes around the word "animals"; you could almost hear the same finger quotes implied around the word "jokes.")

In any case, I'm actually really glad we did go on this ride, as it provided one of the biggest laughs of the trip. It was still raining at the time, and it had rained on both of our two previous days in Florida. It didn't dampen our spirits (pun definitely intended), but it did set up a marvelous running gag for the boat driver. As we sailed along into new areas of the ride, he'd introduce them to us: "The Amazon! Where it rains every single day." "The Congo! Where it rains... every single day." "The Nile! Where it rains... every... single... day."

Needless to say, we kept repeating the joke for the rest of the trip.

Pirates of the Caribbean. Much to-do was made a short while back when this classic Disney ride was updated to include Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush as Jack Sparrow and Barbossa from the movie franchise. I hadn't heard a peep about the fact that they've just recently stuck Ian McShane as Blackbeard in there as well. So that was a neat surprise.

Otherwise, it's honestly a boring ride. It's everything I observed about water rides in general, without even the payoff of a big hill splashdown. We walked right up and got on, and I wanted to do so because I think there's probably a law I'd have broken if I'd gone to Disney and not ridden the Pirates of the Caribbean. But I heard stories of people waiting in line two hours for this shortly after the big remodel. I think I'd have felt cheated if I'd waited five minutes. But I obeyed the law, so there.

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. This is a roller coaster with quite low height restrictions. That is, it's a family-friendly roller coaster. But it's actually the best kiddie coaster I've ever ridden. It was a longer ride than most "adult" coasters, and still had plenty of hills, turns, and high-speed thrills. It really is "fun for the whole family," and I give it the thumbs up.

The Haunted Mansion. Best ride in the Magic Kingdom. And I really can't quite explain why that should be, because you just sit in a slow moving car as it crawls through a fun house loaded with animatronics. There aren't any actual scare moments. And yet, it all just somehow works. What it lacks in spooky it makes up for in fun. Also, they've kept the technology in the ride current even though it was first built decades ago; there's one outstanding moment using video projection that would make the whole ride worthwhile even if the rest wasn't filled with inspired settings, convincing phantoms, and vintage sound effects. If you go to Disney World, don't miss this.

Also, if your name happens to be Jacob, and you have any young nieces and/or nephews, you get a fun photo opportunity while waiting in the line:


Stitch's Great Escape! This, on the other hand, was the worst attraction I went to in the Magic Kingdom. It sounded like just another "stand in a herd and watch a show" kind of thing, but we decided to take a chance on it because the theme park brochure warned that it might be too scary for some children.

Well, guess what? It's a "stand in a herd and watch a show" kind of thing. Eventually, you wind up in a planetarium-like room where you're harnessed into a chair and watch a brief show on the screens above, as a robotic Stitch giggles in the center of the room. It felt like the lights were off, plunging you into pitch blackness, more than they were actually on and allowing you to see anything. It was totally lame. Although a mother did have to usher her small child out within about 20 seconds of entering that final room, so I can't claim false advertising.

Space Mountain. This is the famous indoor roller coaster in Tomorrowland. You rocket around a track in almost total darkness, with "stars" everywhere to convey the sense that you're traveling through space. It's a decent coaster overall, but I found the novelty wore off before the ride ended. It starts out fun, and fills you with a subconscious desire to crouch down just to be sure you don't hit anything you can't see coming. But it eventually gives way to: "this is like riding a roller coaster with your eyes closed." Which isn't all that great, in my opinion.

Tomorrowland Speedway. Drive cars that max out at maybe 10 miles per hour around a track for maybe three minutes. Most amusement parks have this. The main appeal is surely that it gives a kid who isn't otherwise able to drive a chance to get behind the wheel. For an adult, it's actually rather awkward and uncomfortable. The gas pedal is always in an awkward place, and you have to press it down HARD to get anywhere. (Which you won't do quickly.) So really, not all that great.

And yet I'm so glad we did this, because it yielded a great photo. Plastered all over the place are warnings not to bump the car in front of you. (Still, you see friends and family riding in back-to-back cars do this constantly, and no park employee says anything about it.) My camera at the ready, I gently nudged my car forward just an inch or two to goad my boyfriend into stepping on the gas. And I managed to capture his reaction to bumping my car accidentally:


Ain't I a stinker? (Oops, sorry. Wrong cartoon reference for Disney World.)

Mad Tea Party. I really don't care for "spinnie rides." But you can't leave the Magic Kingdom without riding the teacups, the mother of all spinnie rides, right? We picked out our color, plotted our spin strategy, and away we went.

I learned that you can spin those teacups about three times faster than I thought was possible. I fixed my eyes in one spot, all too aware of the blinding blur behind. And I was wondering if we were about to find out what the code was for "cleanup at the Mad Tea Party" just when my boyfriend agreed that enough was enough and we stopped deliberately spinning the cup. I really wish there had been somebody outside the ride to take a video of us, because I'm pretty sure we discovered time travel.

That was all the fun we had time for before heading off to catch another show that evening. And another good point to pause my recap for the day.