TNG Flashback: Cost of Living

In my years as a designer for the Star Trek: Customizable Card Game, I went back and forth through every episode of Star Trek -- and The Next Generation in particular -- several times. So it's a bit of a rarity to come to an episode that I have virtually no memory of. Yet that's exactly what I found when I came to "Cost of Living."

After destroying an asteroid before it can collide with an inhabited planet, the Enterprise is infested with microscopic parasites. Systems fail one by one as the parasites feed on the nitrium metal within them, soon threatening basic operations. Meanwhile, Lwaxana Troi has come aboard with an unexpected announcement: she's engaged to marry a foreign dignitary she has never met. Looking for a distraction from the wedding she's clearly unenthusiastic to be planning, Lwaxana bonds with Alexander Rozhenko, who is bristling at the stern rules set out by his father, Worf.

Producer Rick Berman would routinely insist on injecting some science fiction element into every episode of the series in order to make it Star Trek. In some cases, this served only as a distraction from a strong character story. But here I wish there had been more of a sci-fi story line. The character-driven story in this episode just doesn't have enough gas to go anywhere.

I can't imagine that the writers would have crafted as many Lwaxana Troi episodes as they did if her performer, Majel Barrett, weren't "the boss' wife." And with this installment following the recent death of Gene Roddenberry, I suspect the writers felt it more than usually necessary to give Lwaxana her annual appearance. Yet they really didn't have a story to tell here. Barrett's recent loss provided the only inspiration they seemed to have; Lwaxana agreeing to marry a complete stranger just to combat her own loneliness is about the only genuine emotion in the episode.

The rest of it just feels like a waste of time. This isn't the first time we've seen Alexander quarrel with Worf, or Lwaxana with Deanna. Pairing Alexander with Lwaxana isn't particularly interesting either. It seems like the episode should make something of the fact that he's (mostly) Klingon and she's Betazoid, but it's a straightforward grandparent/grandchild type of relationship. The story focuses on the guest stars enormously, much like Lwaxana's last episode, but young Brian Bonsall is no David Ogden Stiers. And the stakes here are about as low as you can get.

The same lethargy extends to the B-plot. After a misleadingly action-packed teaser in which the Enterprise destroys an asteroid, nothing happens until the episode is literally more than half over. Every act ends with sparkly parasites moving around unseen by Our Heroes, as if to assure the audience, "no really, something will happen this episode -- just be patient!" But once we've come that far without anyone even noticing the parasites, it's hard to take them seriously as a threat to the ship. For a fleeting moment, I wondered if a more interesting take on the story might have involved putting the metal they eat inside of Data, thus making the threat personal to one of the characters. Yet I suspect the plot was a lost cause in any case.

Boring as the story is, though, there's still more here than in some of the worst of the worst episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. That's because this episode, at least, is fairly funny. Worf is always good for a one-liner (and gets several here), but great punch lines are also given to Troi, Picard, Alexander, Lwaxana, and even a holodeck Juggler. There's some meta level amusement in the scene where Lwaxana interacts with the ship's computer (also played by Majel Barrett). And there are great sight gags too, from popping the "Wind Dancer" bubble to watching Worf grouse in a mud bath. (There's also the unintended humor in the outrageous dress and even more outrageous hairstyle Deanna Troi dons for her mother's wedding.) All this is not enough to make the episode good, though it does mostly make it bearable.

Other observations:

• It's interesting that the Star Trek CCG didn't make me remember more of this episode, because at least half a dozen cards came from it. Like the episode, though, most of those cards weren't very good. "Wind Dancer" got a bit of play for countering other, powerful cards (though it targeted those cards narrowly, and thus lacked utility), while "The Higher... The Fewer" was sometimes an obnoxious way to force opponents to complete an extra mission (though it fell into disuse once the Borg affiliation came along.

• When you stop and think about it a moment, Troi asserting herself between two Klingons to serve as their counselor requires no small amount of courage.

• Nerd nitpick: When Data fires energy from the Bussard Collectors at the end of the episode, the energy instead comes from the phaser ring.

• Though Lwaxana would make one more appearance on the series (and show up on Deep Space Nine as well), this would be the last Next Generation appearance of her valet, Mr. Homn.

• The Blu-ray collection for season 5 includes two deleted scenes from this episode. One is a scene extension that shows Lwaxana bristling more under her fiance's rules. The other is a clever scene between Deanna and Worf, complaining about their unruly family members. Troi astutely notes that "grandparents and grandchildren get along so well because they have a common enemy."

• Bad though this episode is, it actually won two Emmy Awards (Costume Design and Makeup), and was nominated for another (Hairstyling).

While the effective humor saves this episode from being one of the worst of the series, it's still the one of the worst of the season. I give it a D+.