Eve of Destruction

Every now and then, I give an acclaimed classic movie a try. On occasion, I find a gem that's every bit deserving of its reputation. But more often, I find the cinematic conventions of yesteryear too tedious for my tastes. The latter was unfortunately true when I decided to watch All About Eve.

Released in 1950, All About Eve is the story of an ambitious and calculating young woman who schemes her way into success as a theater actress. She approaches an established veteran as a starstruck fan, getting a job as her assistant. But over time, she worms her way into becoming an understudy, and then arranges a "big break."

All About Eve was one of the most widely acclaimed movies I'd not seen before. It won six Oscars, including Best Picture, and was nominated for eight more -- a record total of nominations that stood for over 45 years until finally tied by Titanic. It's ranked among the Top 250 films by users of both IMdB and Flickchart. And on paper, I think I understand the affection. In an era with very few worthwhile roles for women in film (an "era" many might argue extends to today), All About Eve features four strong female characters. All four earned Oscar nominations (two lead, two supporting), a feat that to this day has never been equaled.

But though the movie might remain cutting edge in this one aspect, it's been left behind in virtually every other way. It was made many years before the movement toward more natural acting in film, and so everyone is mugging for the audience in a heightened, soap operatic style. The villainy Anne Baxter displays as Eve when the character finally drops her mask would be the most over the top performance in the movie... were it not for the even more outlandish performance given by Bette Davis.

Yet the performances almost have to be larger than life, to compensate for a story that moves at a plodding pace. In modern film and television, tales of this sort of ambitious scheming can be found anywhere and everywhere. All About Eve may have been some form of progenitor, but that doesn't mean it can hold interest half as well as, say, an episode of Game of Thrones or House of Cards. The movie's technique is simply too unrefined. Multiple different characters all take turns helming the narrative with their meandering voice-overs, giving the sense of a movie that lacks direction. Half an hour in, I found I just couldn't stay focused on it. To get all the way through to the end, I wound up dividing my attention with folding laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and more. Good for getting chores done, not so good for entertainment value.

Despite the accolades, despite the good plot at the core that no doubt inspired subsequent writers, I simply couldn't get past the dull execution. I could barely finish the film at all, in fact. I can only grade it an F. I've found a few old gems, but this simply isn't one of them.