And the Oscar Snark Goes To...

According to tradition, my snarky friends joined me to watch the Oscar ceremony this evening. Here were some of the comments bandied about.

Clint Eastwood is all "who the hell is Kanye West?"

NPH killed the opening number... but of course, we knew he would.

NPH had a way better J.K. Simmons insurance commercial joke than any of us.

Foxcatcher loses the Best Makeup award by a nose.

Michael Keaton is chewing gum? Spit that out!

Marion Cotillard's dress appears to be made of a shower curtain.

Singing "Everything Is Awesome" is the only way Andy Samberg would ever get to go to the Oscars.

One of the winners of Short Documentary is being attacked by tribbles.

I think it's time to prune Gwyneth Paltrow's dress.

The Sound Mixing winner from Whiplash give a rocky speech. They're use to recording what they want to express.

Jared Leto looks like Jesus Christ going to his high school prom.

I don't care if it now stars an Oscar winner, I still don't think CSI: Cyber looks like it will be any good. (Patricia Arquette killed it with her speech though!)

The one good thing about Chloe Grace Moretz's dress is that it has pockets, and she really wants you to know it.

Kevin Hart's tux looks like a Reddit downvote.

Every minute or so, confetti flutters down, leftover from the "Everything Is Awesome" performance.

The cast of Big Hero 6 is literally in the back row.

Tony Revolori, the lobby boy, has become the face of The Grand Budapest Hotel. They show him every time they mention the film. Ralph Fiennes must not be there tonight.

A song after the Memoriam montage instead of during?

The woman speaking for the Best Documentary winner looks like a Bene Gesserit.

And now, two straight minutes of awesome jokes about John Travolta.

Best Song was a proxy battle for perceived Selma snubs versus perceived LEGO Movie snubs.

For Best Original Score, Alexandre Desplat pulls off the incredibly rare and difficult feat of not preventing his own win by splitting votes between his two nominations in the category.

How stale must Michael Keaton's gum taste by this point?

This isn't how Oprah Winfrey should be handing out Oscars. ("YOU get an Oscar! YOU get an Oscar! EVERYBODY GETS AN OSCAR!")

Cate Blanchett said to her hairstylist, "give me the Tilda Swinton."

Eddie Redmayne gives the best, most genuine reaction of the night. (He'll be home polishing the Oscar.)

Matthew McConaughey looks like Jesus Christ as a Vegas lounge singer.

I guess they needed to spend another 12 years on Boyhood.