And the Oscars Snark Goes To...

And now, your annual dose of Oscar commentary, courtesy of me and my snarky friends:

Sam Rockwell looks like he’s prepping to play Daniel Day-Lewis in a biopic.

There's a real divide between the celebrities jamming along to “We Will Rock You” and the ones just standing there.

It looks like Jason Momoa’s high school prom tux still fits.

I can’t hear the name of documentary winner Free Solo without hearing it in Jabba the Hutt’s voice.

What’s with the giant blood-dipped LEGO Oscars in the background?

The theme of the night seems to be dresses you can’t actually stand or walk in.

Trains are so in tonight that Jennifer Hudson has one and she isn’t even wearing a dress.

The giant condom-wrapped Oscars behind James McAvoy and Danai Gurira are ribbed for your pleasure.

The umbrellas behind Bette Midler have a War of the Worlds eyeball spaceship quality.

James Cameron saying “humble” in a Rolex commercial is cute.

Laura Dern has gotta be like, “You’re still playing Jurassic Park when I walk in? I’ve made movies for 25 years since then. I’ve been in a Star Wars movie!”

Pharrell begins an introduction talking about being a child. And he dressed as one, in camouflage shorts.

When you say “and seen” in your Oscar speech, you’re lucky they don’t think you’re saying “...and, scene” and just play you off right away.

There’s a whole generation that doesn’t know who these guys doing an extended bit on vomit at the Oscars are. Honestly, I know who Mike Myers and Dana Carver are, and I don’t know why they’re being allowed to do an extended bit on vomit at the Oscars.

How much money would we have to give Bradley Cooper to sing “Shallow” in the voice of Rocket Raccoon? I'm sure you could crowdfund it.

The Live Action Short winners are so refreshingly excited, it’s like they didn’t even know they were nominated for an Oscar.

Black Panther composer Ludwig Göransson looks really young. Like when he talks about meeting with Ryan Coogler 12 years earlier, did he sit in a booster seat?

Ridley Scott knows he can’t win an Oscar for a Hennessy commercial, right?

Glenn Close came dressed AS an Oscar.

Watching Olivia Colman unravel in real time is delightful.

Charlize Theron obviously does NOT drink Budweiser. So, wisely, they make the whole commercial about her not drinking the beer.

There’s something weirdly sexy about Guillermo del Toro saying “passionate and personal.”

They’re prominently displaying the envelope: see? It’s Best Picture. There will be no mistakes this year.

Academy Award Winner Peter Farrelly. Huh. (More on Green Book later this week.)