The Presentation Is the Meal

I knew that Godzilla vs. Kong wasn't going to be up my alley. But maybe, like Cobra Kai, it would be the kind of thing that manages to be quite entertaining despite also being frequently dumb. Also, the bar for a "good time" was quite low... because this was the first movie I saw in a theater in more than a year. (Since last January, in fact.)

Among the things that movie theaters have been doing as they struggle to keep afloat is selling private showings in their auditoriums. One of my friends felt that Godzilla vs. Kong was exactly the sort of occasion that deserved one. A Godzilla fan to her core (but never happy at the ratio of time they spend on the "boring humans" in these movies), she was excited to have a select group of friends see a big, loud movie on a big movie screen.

And indeed, the experience was pretty awesome. Obviously, this is exactly the kind of movie that really would lose something when you watch it at home. Seeing giant monsters projected giant in front of us was great. It's too early yet in the vaccination and recovery process to be thinking of things as "getting back to normal," but man, this was a delicious one-bite-dessert of normal.

But okay, yeah, the movie itself was pretty bad.

They spend an awful lot of time in Godzilla vs. Kong trying to actually explain their "science," and in this case, I honestly understood what my friend means when she says there are too many "boring humans" in these movies. The garbage technobabble they were spewing (with such Shatnerian intensity!) was quite literally laughable. That I'm watching this movie at all means I've already made the pact to "shut off my brain" as much as I can, so you really don't need to try to justify concepts that haven't sounded credible since Jules Verne was publishing new books.

In a movie featuring monsters hundreds of feet tall, "gravity inversions," and visuals too wild to spoil, by far the most ridiculous notion thrust upon the audience is that Alexander Skarsgård is a "nerdy scientist." Sure, listening to him try to manhandle this wooden dialogue does sap him of, say, 10% of his charm, but it sure seems like this movie wants Chris Pratt as early-season Andy Dwyer and gets something closer to Chris Pratt as Starlord.

But you're not here for the humans, right? (Not even the cute kid or the comedy relief from Brian Tyree Henry.) The action is action-y, the destruction is wanton, and the musical score from Tom Holkenborg is loud and relentless (his Mad Max: Fury Road score turned up to 11 -- no, it wasn't already).

I'd have to say the movie was mostly too dumb to even succeed at "big dumb fun," and I'd give it a D+. But also, it felt like a pretty great choice for "first movie in a theater in a year." I certainly wouldn't recommend watching it any other way, and I'm really grateful to have had the experience.