Floating on Air

When I have company visit town and stay at my place, I usually have to go hit up my parents to borrow this air mattress they have. I sometimes think maybe I should get one of my own, but I only need it like once a year, so it doesn't seem like the best investment.

In any case, the air mattress my parents had had for something like a decade finally gave up the ghost a while back, and they replaced it with this huge beast of a thing:



It sits about two-plus feet off the ground. Thankfully, there's a pump to inflate the thing, because I think you'd die trying to do it on lung power.

As bizarre as the Mattress of Unusual Size is, it gets one step bizarrer in my estimation by its inclusion of instructions on how to use the inflation valve:



How you get that many words out of "pull open and put air in it; then push the tab closed" is beyond me.