Oh, Really? Exactly What Part of Persia?

Before deciding to sit down on Sunday and watch the very serious movie, The Messenger, I decided I would try to distract myself from everything being thrown at my family by going to see a completely mindless movie instead -- Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. When friends called to ask if I wanted to go, I was torn. I didn't really think I wanted to see it, but then maybe a mindless action movie was just the thing I needed.

The problem was, this movie turned out to be far too mindless. It was very clearly a movie crafted by people who take their audience for drooling idiots, a film that follows the standard essay format of "tell them what you're gonna tell them; tell them; tell them what you told them." Each major story point in the film was introduced with a scene in which two characters ham-fistedly trade exposition setting up what we're about to see and why it's important. (Sometimes even repeating information just given to us by on-screen, location-establishing text.) The action then follows, precisely as narrated in advance (almost as though by Robert Downey Jr's Sherlock Holmes). And then, since the film's story involves the ability to jump backward in time, you'd invariably see moments of the action again to further drive home what was going on.

There's plenty of talent here that's capable of so much more. Jake Gyllenhaal has made several good movies; Alfred Molina has created memorable characters in several fine films; and I shouldn't even have to point out Ben Kingsley's impressive resume. Somebody's got serious dirt on these guys to coerce them into appearing here.

I suppose you are supposed to come to these kinds of movies primarily for the action. I do have to admit, some of the action sequences are fairly exhilarating and well-realized. But even as they entertain, they come off jarringly out of place. You have dart-launching assassins that evoke John Woo films. (There weren't any guns at the time, filmmakers; deal with it and move on!) You have lots of "impossible stunts" that evoke the sense of The Matrix when a more artistic Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon feeling would have been more appropriate. It's good action at times, just not good for this movie.

I rate Prince of Persia a D. Big dumb movies simply don't have to be this dumb.