And the Oscar Snark Goes To...

Another year, another award show, another round of snark!

If you watch 127 Hours backwards, it's actually a very uplifting tale of a man who finds an arm in the desert.

The Ambien in a Capri Sun pouch is a great touch.

The costuming department has a crazy idea, and Franco's in for it.

Um, I love Back to the Future more than the next guy, but bringing that into the montage seemed more than a little random.

Is Franco taking pictures with his camera phone?

I want to like Anne Hathaway and James Franco as hosts, but I feel like I can actually see time slowing down as I watch them.

Now Tom Hanks is putting me to sleep too. What the hell with the pacing this year? These awards already feel as long as Gone With the Wind, Schindler's List, and Ben Hur.

Don't they start with Supporting Actor or Actress every year? They really decided to lead off with Art Direction this year?

Yes, Kirk Douglas is a living legend. And I don't want to seem like I'd disrespecting an older person. But he's been on this stage forever. And even after Melissa Leo wins, he still won't leave.

Seriously, if you're speechless, then GET OFF THE STAGE! Or at least start thanking people who are actually in the room!

I think she may have thanked everyone except Mark Wahlberg. But dear God, I don't want to rewind it to check.

Anne Hathaway seems peppy and genuinely excited to be there. James Franco looks bored.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis attempt to banter. Seriously, all these people on stage tonight are actors, right?

They hired Anne Hathaway and James Franco to try and appeal more to a younger crowd and boost the ratings. So why are they spending so much time on this show talking about 80 year old movies?

Enunciation, Josh Brolin: I think the writers "made us think," not "made a stink."

They let Melissa Leo stand there stone silent for a half a minute, and they're playing Aaron Sorkin off?

I see the Franco costume humor is going to be a running gag.

Apparently, the memo went around this year, and necklaces are out.

Now that he's won the award, can Christian Bale shave that hockey playoff beard?

Christian Bale has been rambling forever, but they know if they try to play him off, he might snap and kill them all.

I'm surprised the Oscar voters are "unconventional" enough to vote for The Social Network score.

Actually, that probably means that Trent Reznor is now so mainstream he might have to kill himself.

If your time is nearly out, don't waste what you have left to tell us your time is nearly out.

Matthew McConaughey is wearing three times as much tanner as should be acceptable, and Scarlett Johansson looks like she may have been having a twirl just before she came out on stage.

Is this more of the "youthful appeal" thing? They could have picked any three seconds of Tron Legacy to show in the Sound Editing montage -- they picked the three seconds of shirtlessness.

Cate Blanchett seems to be wearing an oven mitt made in a first grade art class. Or maybe it's a baby's bib that grandma saved for posterity -- with the cream corn stains still on it. Or an old vanity with the mirror taken out of it.

You know, I actually didn't know that Zachary Levi did his own singing in Tangled. It's just Disney norm to cast different people for the dialogue and the singing. I think I'm a bit impressed now.

Don't hold for applause for George Lucas. Could be a long wait these days.

We wanted to cut away from Oprah Winfrey to show some guy picking his ear.

Some many people who make movies, who don't know that you don't have to lean into the microphones.

Billy Crystal gets a standing ovation and a bunch of laughs. Why didn't they just get him to host?

Randy Newman wrote the same song 20 times. Is it any wonder he only won one other time before now? (At least the weird yodeling-set-to-Philip-Glass-chords song from 127 Hours didn't win.)

Death montage time. They seem to have made the interesting decision not to mic the applause, eliminating the morbid "who gets the most applause" contest.

The mistake of giving out the Directing award with so much time left to go in the show is that by giving it to Tom Hooper, we now all know beyond a shadow of a doubt what will win Best Picture.

Jeff rushed to insert the words "awe-inspiring," before he accidentally said that Nicole Kidman's performance in Rabbit Hole was painful.

Michelle Williams is going for "beautiful and unique snowflake."

Natalie Portman's earlobes are graduating from college.

The camera operator filming Jesse Eisenberg seems to be more focused on Justin Timberlake behind him.

I think I have even more appreciation for James Franco as an actor tonight, now that I know how much work it takes for him to seem natural on camera.

Colin Firth, by all means, DO break into dance. It would be the most interesting thing to have happened tonight.

Never bet against the Academy picking a period drama for Best Picture.

So wow. I tend to enjoy these Award shows, but I thought this was about the most boring Oscars ceremony I have ever seen.