The Point of the Trip

At last, I've come to the culmination of my road trip. One week ago today, I was living it up at Cedar Point in Ohio.

For those of you who haven't heard of it, Cedar Point is really one of the premiere amusement parks in the country. Actually, if you're a roller coaster enthusiast, it's very possibly the #1 amusement park in the country. They have 3 "kiddie coasters," one 3-D thrill ride coaster, and 12 -- count 'em, 12! -- others. They have old-fashioned wodden coasters, and modern record setters. They've held the title for fastest, highest, you-name-it, many times over the last several decades. And it totally lives up to the hype.

We were very glad to be at the park on a Monday. We'd planned it that way deliberately, and as we'd hoped, the crowds were not too bad. For the most part, we never had to wait more than 30 minutes for a ride, and in many cases less than 15... with two exceptions. The Top-Thrill Dragster and Millenium Force coasters are still fairly new, and signature rides at the park. Short of being at there hours before opening and running through the park straight to the line in question, you weren't going to get out of a 2-hour wait minimum.

The Top-Thrill Dragster was one of the first rides we did. Click the link, and you'll see how insane this thing is. It launches you at 120 MPH, 90 degrees straight up a 420-foot track, and then you freefall down the other side. The whole ride takes about 17 seconds. Given that it takes around two hours to get on it, it's pretty much the worst wait-to-ride ratio in the park. But for thrills? Well, the name "Top-Thrill" is perfect. This thing was absolutely insane, and should be anyone's first stop if they visit Cedar Point.

As we waited in the line, we came across a sign that gave the usual "hands inside the car; don't do this or that" stuff you usually see while waiting for a coaster. But this one had an added extra bonus: "Sometimes, a car will not make it over the hill and will return to the starting lane. Do not be concerned if you see this happen."

What?!

And sure enough, about 5 minutes after we'd passed the sign, we see it happen. After having seen dozens of cars being launched during our time in line, we knew exactly what the thing looked like. And you could tell from the instant this car started up the incline that it just wasn't going to make it. It made it to the very top of the hill, working up the curve, working up the curve, workingupthecurrrrrrrrrrrrve.... and OH! It freefalls backwards down the way it came. Now that I've ridden the thing myself, I cannot imagine how insane going backwards must have been. I almost wished it would have happened to me.

A good number of people in the line totally freaked out when they saw that. A few got out of the line. But most were totally stoked. At least until the braking took over, and the car then took about 4 minutes to return all the way to the launching position, rolling backward about one inch a second. The thing just wasn't meant to go in reverse, folks. After they double-checked the safety devices, re-launched it, and it successfully did make it over the hill, everyone cheered.

As for my own experience... well. They have a billboard with a speedometer along the track near where it launches you, but all I have to say to that is: "yeah right." With 120 MPH wind blowing in your face, you'll be lucky to keep your eyes open at first. And even if you do, that board is gone before you know what hit you. And the freefall straight down. Awesome!

I've already dedicated what would normally constitute a whole post to this one ride, but there was still tons of park to hit. So, let's see:

Corkscrew. Unless you're on a mission to say you've ridden every coaster at Cedar Point, avoid this one like the plague. It's a 20-year old winding little monstrosity that lasts about 45 seconds and jerks you around like it's simulating a seizure. We should have taken the hint when we got to the front of the line and saw that the faces of the people getting off the cars were not happy ones.

Gemini. The wait-to-thrill ratio here is probably the best in the park. This classic wodden coaster launches two cars together to go through the track at the same time. A nice, long ride.

Millenium Force. Awesome ride. Rather like the Apollo's Chariot at Busch Gardens in WIlliamsburg (the best ride in that park, I think). A word of warning though, which thankfully I am not relating from first-hand experience. If you're riding this thing at night, do not ride in the front. The gnats and other bugs that come out at night along Lake Erie put the the real "Force" in Millenium Force, and afterward, you will look frat boys took Sharpees to you in your sleep.

Magnum XL-200. A solid and fun ride that in any other park would be a masterpiece and top event of the day. But in Cedar Point, it's just one among many.

Wicked Twister. Maybe you'll be luckier when you're there and it won't be closed.

Blue Streak. The oldest coaster in the park, perhaps? We just walked up and got on, which was great. I wouldn't wait longer than 10 minutes for it, though.

Cedar Creek Mine Ride. This one is a blast if you make it so. After we'd ridden several of the huge, nasty coasters in the park, we came around to this old thing. The track curls a loop near the waiting line, and as we were drawing near the end of the wait, some punkish teens screamed from the track: "aw, this is a ride for babies!!" We got nearer the front of the line, where we could hear the ride operator "bragging" over the loudspeaker about how we'd be dropped from a thrilling height of 48 feet along the ride. So, we took all this as a gauntlet thrown down. The three of us paired up with another group of three on the ride, and together we all screamed in mortal terror as though the thing were worse than a dozen Top-Thrill Dragsters put together. The whole car got into it with us. And we had as much fun on that ride as any of the others.

For my traveling companions and I, the word Mantis is now synonymous with "crap." (As in, "this Chinese food tastes like Mantis" or, "I understand you're upset, but you don't have to get Mantis with me.") This was, I believe, the first stand-up roller coaster ever built. And there is a damn good reason there haven't been many others. My head was thrashed violently against the shoulder harnesses. B and E both had their legs totally cramp up. And you just have to endure it for two minutes until the thing blissfully comes to an end. Again, unless you're trying to ride all the coasters in the park (or just like pain), avoid this thing.

Mean Streak. A fun, twisting, gnarled wooden coaster that "classicists" will love.

Raptor. A fantastic hang-from-beneath roller coaster. Williamsburg folks can think Alpengeist, only Raptor is quite a bit better.

Of course, there were a few other things in the park as well, besides roller coasters...

MaXair. I didn't ride this thing. And if you scroll to the bottom of the page that link connects to, the picture says 1000 words. They might as well call this thing The Vomitator. I don't handle spinning rides well, and this thing would have me losing my lunch in less time than it takes to ride the Top-Thrill Dragster.

The Power Tower is a pretty fun ride, but they have a similar thing on top of the Stratosphere hotel in Las Vegas. Once you've ridden this kind of ride while already 1,100 feet off the ground, this version seems tame by comparison. Power Tower's twist is you can ride it two ways -- "up," where you begin by suddenly being launched up at great speeds; or "down," where you're cranked to the top and then suddenly dropped at great speeds. Most people will tell you "down" is better, and that was certainly where the longer wait was. But I gotta say, "up" is much more of a thrill.

Snake River Falls. Pretty much every amusement park has this variety of water ride -- a basic go-to-the-top-of-the-hill-and-splash-down ride. You don't usually get very wet on these things. Typically, there's an area near the ride where people can stand and get drenched by the splashdown, but the riders themselves only get spattered a bit. Not so with this one. Some diabolical engineers crafted the shape of this boat, or the ricochet in the splashdown area, or something. Because this is what it looks like when you splash down:



You see the giant wave of water about to fall on your head, and you feel like you're re-enacting a scene from Flashdance. You close your eyes, and WHOOOOOOOOSH!!!!! "What a feeling...." Ah, but don't open your eyes yet, because just when you think it's over, some second giant wave of water comes from nowhere and douses you all over again. From that point, you're wet for the rest of the day. So don't bring anything on the ride that's not in a Ziploc bag.

Wow... what a long post! But what a great day! I say if you live anywhere near Cedar Point, you really have no excuse for not going once every summer. If you're an amusement park lover anywhere else, you really ought to think about planning a trip there some day. You won't regret it.

...even if it means a 20-hour-or-so car ride each way, as I faced with B and E on our wild road trip getaway. Good times. But we've now basically told each other every story we know, and really don't want to hang out again any time soon, at least until we can get some new stories.