Assault on the Undead

Recently, I tossed out a casual criticism of the board game Zombies, unintentionally sparking a little discussion. So I figured I'd explain myself a little better, and give a pseudo-review of Zombies.

It's been several years since I've played Zombies, and I have no intention of ever voluntarily playing it again. And involuntarily would have to be at actual gunpoint, or some similar duress. I'm not exaggerating here for humorous effect. I mean it. If we're at a party, and you say "let's play Zombies," I'm leaving your party. Point being, what I'm about to say is based on old recollections.

I've played Zombies twice. Once, it was with my co-workers (including this guy), people I played games with on a weekly basis for (at that point) something like four years. The other time, it was with my college friends (including this guy), people I'd known for (at that time) nearly ten years. In other words, these were both close groups of people that really enjoyed spending time together.

In both cases, the game of Zombies concluded with the players actually angry with each other. Not playful gamesmanship-type anger -- actual, full-voiced yelling with real venom.

Basically, it is the nature of Zombies that some players end up being the flies, and other players end up being the ones pulling the wings off the flies for fun. The game is mercilessly random, and that randomness inevitably sees at least one player bent over a barrel and miserable, and at least one player having the time of his life.

The problem is, just because one player is doing well doesn't mean he can actually win. Ample mechanisms are in place to gang up on a leader and shut him out of victory. The game then drags on. But the game also is devoid of any real "catch up" mechanism to get the player(s) bringing up the rear back into the game.

Eventually, whether it takes 30 minutes, 60, or more, you'll have one or more players who desperately, desperately want the game to end. They haven't had any fun, and they want it to be over. And you have other players who, instead of taking the game to its conclusion, do anything and everything they can to prolong the experience. "Experience" should be read as "torture" for the players in the first group.

And in both my experiences, these two groups ended up yelling at each other by the conclusion of the game.

No one should ever play this game for any reason. If I hadn't known the people I played it with as well as I do, I could actually see it having had a lasting, damaging effect on friendships -- that's how venomous the arguing became.

I prefer my random-ass dice games to have all the players winning or losing together, thank you very much.