Anguished Exclamation

I promise this isn't going to turn into more Episode III bashing. Well, not true -- it sort of will be, but I'm trying to make a different point here. I've pretty much said what I mean to say about Episode III.

SPOILER WARNING here for those who haven't seen it yet and still mean to. Nothing major though.

So, at the end of the movie, when Vader staggers off the table like Frankenstein and is told news he does not want to hear, he screams "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" This moment is hideously, laughably awful. There was actual snickering in the theater when I saw it. Poor James Earl Jones. He probably had like 50 takes, and they decided to use the worst one. Or maybe he had one take and begged to do it again, but that's what he was stuck with. Whatever. In any case, the performance is pitiably, horribly, awfully bad. He sounds like Sloth in The Goonies, or Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, or Forrest Gump. If you're not picking up on the subtext behind my marginal attempt at political correctness, I'm saying he sounds mentally retarded.

I wondered if it was just me that found this moment unintentionally comical. Well, as it turns out, no. (Or should that be: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"?) Fark ran a Photoshop contest this week, Give Vader something to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" about.

But that was only the beginning. It this week's 24 season finale, when Marwan makes his final, ultimate escape from Jack Bauer, Jack looks up into the helicopter searchlight and screams "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Well, there was a live "commentary thread" going on Fark about that episode, and when that moment happened, they let loose on Kiefer Sutherland with the whole arsenal. Never mind the fact that Kiefer had given an infinitely better performance. All any of the geeks could think of was Franken-Vader.

Apparently, the line "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" has now been ruined. I'm not sure what the statute of limitations on this is going to be. A few months? Years? Forever? In any case, writers beware.

I find this interesting, as this is not the first time someone has screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" in a Star Wars movie. Mark Hamill made that pained exclamation famous. And let's face it, he's no Oscar-winner, but he gave a better performance than poor James Earl Jones. I'm simply too young to remember whether "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" brought out the giggles then, and how long it took for that association to go away. Of course, I couldn't log onto the internet then to see what other geeks were thinking anyway.

I was having this conversation with some friends last night, and one of them pointed out that maybe the loss of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" from the entertainment lexicon is not so horrible in any case. When you get right down to it, it's totally ridiculous. All of us in our lives have had a moment or two like that, of sheer anguish and/or outrage. How did you react? Odds are, you didn't do anything but quietly seethe. Maybe you screamed incoherently, just a general "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Maybe it was a choice profanity shouted at the top of your lungs.

Whatever it was, I guarantee you didn't scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

That's phony. That's Hollywood. And hey, if James Earl Jones' Raspberry-worthy performance is enough to make us all realize that, then maybe something good came out of the Star Wars prequel trilogy after all.