Obligatory Meandering Emmy Post

Here are my meandering thoughts about tonight's Emmy Awards (in order of appearance on the show):

I'd totally watch Ellen DeGeneres host the North Korean People's Choice Awards.

The Desperate Housewives made a great introduction for the award they presented, especially Felicity Huffman, who acknowledged the God-awfulness of the material they'd been given.

Alan Alda was seen tearing up his acceptance speech after his category went to William Shatner. I wasn't completely sure whether he was being comical or serious.

Speaking of William Shatner, much as I love him on Boston Legal, and think he did give a great performance on the show last year, I really feel like it should have gone to Terry O'Quinn for Lost. Probably he and Naveen Andrews split the "Lost vote."

How can Hugh Jackman get up on stage and perform like one song and tell like three jokes and win an award in the same category as Jon Stewart, who brings the funny four nights a week, 47-or-so weeks a year?

Go Blue Man Group!

Who the hell are all these people on stage for The Amazing Race?

Damn, Zach Braff is funny. I really ought to watch Scrubs.

I'm sure Ellen's ventriloquist bit would have been funnier had it actually been properly on mic.

Major points to the voice-over guy, who can actually say the words "Ghost Whisperer" with a straight... er, face?

I think that guy almost dropped Kristen Bell. He must be killed!

If Kristen Bell weren't on the U Pretend Network, she'd be nominated for an Emmy this year herself.

Want a Guest Acting Emmy nomination? Will and Grace is your ticket, apparently.

You're damn right The Daily Show wins the writing category!

Nostalgia is an unstoppable force. Sucks to be in any category up against Everybody Loves Raymond this year.

Quality tribute to Johnny Carson.

Is it just me, or is it odd that they keep doing these Family Guy interstitials when a new episode of the actual show is on at the exact same time on another channel?

Damn straight The Daily Show wins again!

Please don't let there be a "special musical episode" of CSI.

I'm very pleased to see J.J. Abrams win the award for directing the pilot of Lost. I just got to watch it again on DVD recently, and it was truly amazing. It instantly addicted me to the show, and felt every moment of it like a feature film.

...but it's a shame Lost couldn't win the writing award too. I think the episode "Walkabout" (which I also recently got to watch again, thanks to the DVD) was the finest hour of television last season. Simply brilliant. And the writer of that episode, David Fury, is working on 24 this year. Should be good.

Halle Berry's speech. What the hell? Why is she talking about naked people spinning around slowly? What does this have to do with... anything?

Jon Stewart's "pre-recorded intro." Pure gold. "Shockingly ept" is going into my lexicon. And yes, George Bush does hate Black Sabbath.

Holy upset, Batman! I thought Arrested Development didn't have a chance in the writing category. Up against Desperate Housewives and Everybody Loves Raymond, the expected shows to beat? Not to mention, thrice nominated in the category, and thus certain to split the vote? And yet, it did the impossible. And deservedly so. If you don't watch Arrested Development, you're missing out. And what an awesome acceptance speech too: "We've been twice awarded for something you people won't watch." Although the Fox execs pushing Kitchen Confidential had to have a heart attack when he said you could switch back to CBS after Arrested Development was over.

Phil and Jeff are introducing William Shatner and the Star Trek theme, and already the audience is laughing.

The tribute to Peter Jennings (and Dan Rather and Tom Brakaw) was interesting -- in a way, it's almost a memoriam on "the evening news." With 24-hour cable news, the internet, and so forth, I really don't know anyone who watches the evening news anymore. I think the form dies with them. But if so, they're going out on top. What a huge standing ovation they got.

Conan O'Brien's intro was great stuff. From his rendition of "Charles in Charge," to his musings about the state of NBC programming, to "disappointing four women at once," he brought the funny.

Wow, Felicity Huffman wins! All the buzz leading up to tonight seemed to make Teri Hatcher the shoe-in, even as most of the critics were acknowledging Marcia Cross' performance as most deserving. Perhaps this is a result of submitting Desperate Housewives in the comedy category rather than in the drama category, as all of Marcia Cross' best moments on the show were strong, dramatic, and poignant. In any case, Felicity Huffman is certainly deserving. I've loved her since Sports Night. (And she even acknowledged Sports Night and Aaron Sorkin in her acceptance speech!)

Holy crap! Another upset. I've never watched one episode of The Shield, but everything I've read said that Glenn Close was a lock to win the award for Best Actress in a Drama. Instead, it goes to Patricia Arquette. Hmmm.... maybe Conan O'Brien's reports on the demise of NBC were exaggerated. You know who on Medium really deserves an award, though? Jake Weber, who plays Patricia Arquette's husband. He has thankless work, week in and week, always playing the doubting Scully to her whacked-out Mulder, walking the tightrope of playing loving husband despite that doubt, and never having a decent story written for his character.

The "In Memoriam" montages they always do on these award shows are very interesting to me. They're well-intentioned, and indeed sometimes moving. But they also come across as popularity contests, as we see which dead celebrities get more applause than the others. This year's winners: Ossie Davis, James Doohan, Bob Denver, Christopher Reeve, and Jerry Orbach.

Tony Shalhoub, eh? I guess not everybody loves Raymond after all. I would have picked Jason Bateman, myself. Still, Tony Shalhoub paid his dues working all those years on the crap-tastic, only-on-the-air-because-of-its-comfy-after-hit-show-time-slot Wings.

James Spader wins two years in a row, for playing the same character on two different TV shows. I do think him a worthy choice, but I found it very interesting that, in the reading of the nominees, Kiefer Sutherland got more applause than anyone else. I guess the awards aren't handed out like praise to dead celebrities. Major props to Spader, by the way, for acknowledging that his career has been a non-stop stream of "sex and weirdness."

I normally don't condone using children in emotional blackmail, but if you're doing it for the cause of hurricane relief, I suppose it's okay.

Donald Trump and Megan Mullally win the "meaningless singing award," huh? Good thing I didn't muster myself to care on this one, because that's total crap. (Brilliant choice in the editing room to cut to William Shatner. He had this look of "what the hell do I care? I won another Emmy tonight!")

Lost wins the Best Drama Series award! Finally, a "genre show" makes good. Un-freaking-believable. Cue the complaining about how season two is all downhill from here...

Aha... see, sentiment conquers all. Everybody Loves Raymond takes the comedy award. Ah well... I suppose Arrested Development has already "won" by staying on the air for three years despite such low ratings. And Desperate Housewives was rather disingenously entered in the comedy category, when I for one think it's definitely more of a drama. (I think the word "dramedy" is utter crap, by the way.)

That's it, everybody. Thank you, and good night.